8 days till closing. Too much pressure.

Hell according to (1) Hieronymous Bosch, (2) Gustave Doré, and (3) a scorned wife.

8 days till closing

We didn't expect to close on the house until August 11th, but the sellers were extremely motivated, so they've done everything they can possibly, legally do to help us set a June closing date. June 25th is the golden day.

One devastating caveat (for me): We won't be able to actually move until August, if we go with Mack's preference. He's concerned about funds.

Personally, I think the budget will allow us to move comfortably. But then, I'm not the breadwinner. I'm not the one who is exiled to the southeastern quadrant of the Earth every 30 days, for 30 days. I can't in good conscience oppose a strategy he -- in good conscience -- prefers.

I'm burned out on the purchase process. I've figured, adjusted, refigured, and readjusted the monthly budget and moving budget probably every day for the past month. I've been texting and emailing the agent at least three days a week to stay on top of the requirements. I feel like I've negotiated my very last brain cell in preparation for this.

I lost it this morning. It all finally did me in. Mack's second day home, and my temper checked out and ran away. Along with a full coffee cup -- went sailing across the kitchen.

But I didn't swear.

We're supposed to drive into Leesville tomorrow to meet with an attorney and the sellers to sign some related contracts. A trip like that, trapped in a silent vehicle with the opposition for 2.5 hours each way... worse than either Hieronymous Bosch or Dante could conceive.

The right and reasonable thing to do is to take the high road and clear the air so we can take care of business. But the pressure has gotten the best of me. I'm sapped.

Falling in Love (and signing the contract)

Most people save for a long time when they're coming up with the downpayment for a house. Not so for us. The house itself caught us off guard. We've been watching the market closely for a good three years and have watched some stellar houses come and go. None ever really struck and inspired us to action. The sensible thing to do would have been to save money all along so when the right house did present itself, we'd be ready for it.

But I think Mack and I genuinely didn't expect to find "The House" so soon. Or so unexpectedly. Silly -- that kind of discovery is not exactly a process.

No, for us, finding the house was like slipping yet another old, random key into the mysterious lock of our future and finding... it turned. And clicked. And opened the door. The House we've prayed and pined for, year after year.

We poured over the listing photos again and again, fawning over the amenities and details.

Oh, love the portico. 
Look at those railings! 
Hardwood trees?!
Oh my...3.5 acres! 
Jacuzzi tub?!

It was a constellation of all our little "I wish"es, together formed at one address. But could the reality truthfully reflect the vision?

We drove to Leesville the very same weekend and made an appointment for a viewing. Reality not only reflected the vision -- it surpassed it.

We turned up the long, wide driveway, and what we saw took my breath away. Trees all over the property, both new and mature. The shady porch and front double doors invited us to imagine this house as our home, our land, our piece of the earth.

Inside, the owner guided us from room to room, and it took great effort for me to restrain my awe and excitement. I saw glimpses of our family occupying those bedrooms, passing each other in the halls, meeting in the kitchen for breakfast.

It's one thing to love a house for its features and character. It's quite another to look at the building and the grounds and actually see your family living there. I didn't just see our family living there -- I felt it, in my bones, in my heart, in my spirit that acknowledges the future and dusk of my life.

We would've put the house under contract that day, but the responsible thing to do was to cool off over the weekend, review our finances (which were none), and evaluate the change we'd really be accepting if we decided to purchase.

On Monday, we arranged to sign the contract, and we accepted the responsibility of coming up with a downpayment from scratch.

It's been almost 30 days since we toured the new house. We have 30% of our downpayment. We have 2.5 months to save the remaining 70%, but I'm confident we'll meet our goal in time.

Most days, practical aims like saving money and sorting through our belongings distracts me from spending too much time daydreaming about what it will be like for me to brew my first cup of coffee in that kitchen, or take my first bath in that tub. The eventuality feels real, but the dream is still mist and fog.

Looking at the photos of the house, I admire it as a suitor may admire a sweetheart he intends to make his bride. He is ever in love and imagines how her hand will finally feel in his, but the thought of belonging to her, and she to him...almost too wonderful for his heart to contain. What he knows for certain is, she is The One.